Justifying Feminism

Thanks to women from centuries past, I don't have to fight for the vote or for the right to work a certain job.  That used to be the fight, in some places it still is.  But there is one battle I see regularly, and it is a catty one.  The women I see around me spend more time justifying their decisions to each other than they do to any cultural ideal or any man.  The husbands and fathers of these women pretty much sit back and watch the whole conversation take place, prepared to support the one they love once the smoke has cleared.

Ladies, why are we at each other's throats?

I'm pretty sure my mother dealt with this most of her life.  She gave up a medical career to raise five children at home, a decision she has had to justify over and over ever since she made it.  Another mother was criticized for not giving up her career and letting her husband (shocking!) take up some of the responsibility for caring for their children.  After my job this summer didn't work out, I chose to move to a place where I had friends and loved ones, rather than to a place where I could necessarily find a high-paying, career-building job.  I've felt like I need to justify that choice ever since I made it.  I've detailed on this blog the sorts of things that keep me busy: domestic pursuits, usually.  I feel the need to justify these as well, since they are not academic, artistic, or career-oriented.

We just need to stop.  Stop judging each other.  Stop assuming that what works for your family will work for every family.  Stop assuming that all men are the same, and that all women want the same things or should want the same things.  I know that it's not popular in conservative circles to say, "What right for me isn't right for everyone."  I'm not speaking here of morality or ethics.  It's not criminal to serve society and your family by being a worker and a breadwinner any more than it is to stay at home and nurture your family.  If we stop attacking each other, perhaps we would feel less on the defensive, more free to make the choices that we and our families need.